Recently I received an e-mail from an acquaintance/ former who knows what, telling me they enjoy my blog, they laughed and think its great I am writing blah blah. It was nice, they didn't have to- but then as I read on in the e-mail there was a little backhanded compliment on my photo which pissed me off. Surely I was being overly sensitive- no way would they do that! I quickly went online to find trusted source on backhanded compliments to be sure I was right (yeah I know what they are but I just HAD to check)
For the record, according to Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Backhanded_compliment) the backhanded compliment is "an insult disguised as a compliment. It is generally used to belittle or condescend, or often one uses a backhanded compliment when one wants to insult someone in a subtle way." Hmmm it seemed I was right on, it was backhanded! Then again what did I expect when this is sort of the basis of our friendship. I then thought- wait... Do I do this more than I am aware (because remember its all about me and I love to make myself crazy by taking on someone else's bad behavior - thinking its my fault).
Just like in my previous "walk on by" post I think this is something everyone is guilty of. I recently wrote to a male friend commenting on a new picture he had up online writing "You look much cuter without make up- just thought you should know". Why did I think he should know? I mean really what was my hope in that. The make up thing was my own issue (don't like guys in makeup, eyeliner anything of the sort, doesn't do it for me)- so what if he wanted to wear it. Its not like I am dating the guy and I could say "hey you know what- if you want to get some after dinner, take off the make up" -even then it seems ridiculous. Its who the person is and I know that- it was just purely for my own benefit to make me feel more important and above them (So, sorry man, that was unfair.).
I have found that the backhanded compliment is the ultimate bitch move. This is because it makes the receiver feel temporarily good about themselves- then if they think about it, awful. However by the time that has happened, they have thanked the person who just backhanded, talked with them, even bought them a drink. Plain and simple- they end up looking stupid. This is of course when the backhanded compliment happens in the present tense not through the many wonders of the internet like e-mail or aim where one can read it over and think "hey wait... You're a being a backhanded bitch " and call them out on it. Most people who use backhand on a regular basis are not aware of it or if they are, claim its the receiver being sensitive- after all they said they LIKED the outfit you had on, just not in that color.
Now when I backhand I am fully aware of it, savor it, enjoy my cleverly disguised insult but I never backhand people I like (maybe on occasion just for fun but really prefer not too because they know me and call me out on it- then a battle of the wits ensues, someone cries, drinks are spilled, alcohol wasted, then evetually a good hearty laugh comes out when I take it back -but still think it of course). I reserve my backhand for people I can't stand, people out of line who think they are smart, or at a party where I am talking to some rich trust fund baby that is boring because they 1.don't work 2. they don't have to work 3. they have nothing interesting to say and 4.they pretend like they are broke (a whole other blog).
To all backhanders (and myself) I say - Backhand all you want, just remember there can be a Backlash.(Karma is a backhanded bitch).
Monday, October 02, 2006
Tyra Dearest... My guilty pleasure
I am sorry but I had to share this--
Ok, ok, I am late in my viewing of my guiltiest pleasure America's Next Top Model.(Its so awful but whatever, I watch it ok) I know they air on Wednesday but I have class that night, no TiVo, no VCR, "no studio, no contract.... I don't know what I'm gonna do!". Therefore I have to catch my weekly dose of screaming at skinny bitches that can't hear me on Champaign Sundays. Last night was my ANTM group's first meeting of the minds as we all agreed to hold off, no sneak peeks and watch it's repeat on Sundays- I am so lucky to have such great friends.
Anyway we had the usual debate on whether or not the girls are lame (always are at first until the editors really get going) if this season will suck (dumb question- all "cycles" suck -but I still watch) and where the hell Shandi is (you know the legally blind, cheating ho' who was spotted working at Walgreens in the city and then was the 311 girl). It's my version of watching Sunday football, but it's girls in gowns crying not men in tight pants sacking each other (although that can be fun too). Everyone just be glad I have something to yell at on TV and it's not them.
This week I was delighted to no end by Tyra herself, the woman I love to hate. She appeared at the judging in some ren-fair outfit complete with corset (covering her donut eating 175lb stomach) made of silk, velvet and of course- suede knee high boots. The best part- her hair and make up. The woman (can I call her that?) looked like freaking Mommy Dearest - not Joan Crawford herself, but Faye Dunaway's version of Joan in the 1981 classic "Mommy Dearest". I mean seriously, that crazy wig she has been wearing that is all over styled and stiff as a board combined with her false lashes and clown make up, what is she thinking! It was just CRAZY FUNNY, so funny I tipped over my champaign and wasted perfectly good alcohol I was laughing so hard ( yeah its been a rough week and I needed a laugh, thanks Tyra).
Take a look for yourself (enjoy that dramatic music- oh and the shots from that shitty shoot- my god this show is ridiculous). You have to copy and paste the link, the damn thing isn't working...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=96Gm2bolOcQ
I love that the 'judging' is taking place in that hotel in downtown Los Angeles with the revolving restaurant on top. This is that same famed hotel that was in Blade Runner and the show " It's a Living" was based on (coincidentally I have had overpriced drinks there served in novelty glasses you can keep). It is just pure comedy.
I also love that the prize has been downgraded to a cover of Seventeen Magazine . No more Guile Bensemon (sp,I know) and Elle magazine. I guess Hearst publications got wise to the fact that these girls will never work again.
Ok, ok, I am late in my viewing of my guiltiest pleasure America's Next Top Model.(Its so awful but whatever, I watch it ok) I know they air on Wednesday but I have class that night, no TiVo, no VCR, "no studio, no contract.... I don't know what I'm gonna do!". Therefore I have to catch my weekly dose of screaming at skinny bitches that can't hear me on Champaign Sundays. Last night was my ANTM group's first meeting of the minds as we all agreed to hold off, no sneak peeks and watch it's repeat on Sundays- I am so lucky to have such great friends.
Anyway we had the usual debate on whether or not the girls are lame (always are at first until the editors really get going) if this season will suck (dumb question- all "cycles" suck -but I still watch) and where the hell Shandi is (you know the legally blind, cheating ho' who was spotted working at Walgreens in the city and then was the 311 girl). It's my version of watching Sunday football, but it's girls in gowns crying not men in tight pants sacking each other (although that can be fun too). Everyone just be glad I have something to yell at on TV and it's not them.
This week I was delighted to no end by Tyra herself, the woman I love to hate. She appeared at the judging in some ren-fair outfit complete with corset (covering her donut eating 175lb stomach) made of silk, velvet and of course- suede knee high boots. The best part- her hair and make up. The woman (can I call her that?) looked like freaking Mommy Dearest - not Joan Crawford herself, but Faye Dunaway's version of Joan in the 1981 classic "Mommy Dearest". I mean seriously, that crazy wig she has been wearing that is all over styled and stiff as a board combined with her false lashes and clown make up, what is she thinking! It was just CRAZY FUNNY, so funny I tipped over my champaign and wasted perfectly good alcohol I was laughing so hard ( yeah its been a rough week and I needed a laugh, thanks Tyra).
Take a look for yourself (enjoy that dramatic music- oh and the shots from that shitty shoot- my god this show is ridiculous). You have to copy and paste the link, the damn thing isn't working...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=96Gm2bolOcQ
I love that the 'judging' is taking place in that hotel in downtown Los Angeles with the revolving restaurant on top. This is that same famed hotel that was in Blade Runner and the show " It's a Living" was based on (coincidentally I have had overpriced drinks there served in novelty glasses you can keep). It is just pure comedy.
I also love that the prize has been downgraded to a cover of Seventeen Magazine . No more Guile Bensemon (sp,I know) and Elle magazine. I guess Hearst publications got wise to the fact that these girls will never work again.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Just walk on by... (no, this is not about a broken heart).
There is a phenomenon that happens when one lives in the big city like New York. Many people come here to escape a life in the suburbs, escape their past, pave a new road and look toward the future. Yet is seems time and time again that one is confronted with the past, finding their idea is not so original and "OH MY GOD! Is THAT Missy Turner- shit shit shit...." so you cross the street, pretend to be looking in a window and walk on by.
Sure, this is not such a new concept for many- people know this, stupid bitch from Sex and the City had a whole episode about running into ex's and so forth [ok yeah, I watched that show when it was racy, on HBO, I was 23 and thought it was so great (so naive). Now that it's watered down counter part is in syndication I can't seem to avoid the freaking thing. I mean THAT is something I wish I could turn away from and regain my brain space dedicated to remembering episodes. A viewing is inevitable when you don't have cable, its 11pm and all you want to do is veg out and the CW (or is it the WB, or UPN, or MY 9- Jesus whatever) is the only channel that comes in clearly on your set. You fail to remember why you began to hate it so much- so you watch it. Then that damn monologue starts "So I wondered if men were like ice cream, what flavor blah blah I am a dumb slut" and all the hatred washes over you , hatred for the show, all the behavior it sparked in dumb young women, and the damn drinks people order... wait that's not the point].
OK, back to my original thought- I am not talking about one night stands, I mean everyone understands that that is part of a one night stand or even a break up in a city and if you don't- get used to it. No I am talking about people from your past that you knew, you liked, maybe even had one of those two-month high school friendships with, maybe you bought weed from them, lived in the same dorm, worked retail together, were in some Yoga class - or some other crap like that. When the friendship had run its course you counted on not having to see them again- next thing you know you are sucking down a coffee, rushing to a meeting and there they are staring at you across the street. You pull the "what's that in the window? Oh my phone is ringing" and the moment passes and so do they.
I am the number one fan of the walk by. My past is broad, I have done a lot of stupid things (and people) in various cities, made drunken best friends, been involved in silly groups, lets just say I know a lot of people by default... people I want to remain in the past. Maybe it was my behavior, maybe it was theirs, maybe shit had run its course- doesn't matter, I would prefer that they existed as a bunch of electrical pulses in my brain.
I like to implement the "I don't recognize you" version of the walk by and just stare blankly ahead. I even bought sunglasses that I thought would aide in this process ( I quickly realized my sunglasses were not dark enough to pull off anything like the walk by let alone the real reason I bought them- to check out guys on the street and not have them know. This became defunct when I was getting a number of dirty looks and thinking "wait can they see me?". It was like that moment when I was four and I realized just because I can't see people with my hands in front of my face doesn't mean they can't see me.) The "I don't recognize you" works best for me because if the person WANTS to make contact, they can and I can say "oh MY GOD! Katie! I didn't recognize you with (search for something different)... blue eye shadow on! Looks great!" This method works better for people from the distant past but one gets the idea.
Normally I don't think twice about the walk by- everyone does it in the city- its kind of like cutting someone off on the sidewalk. Yet the other day I was the victim of a "walk by" not a willing participant. I was struck by a feeling of oh, I don't know, sadness? No. Disappointment? Nope. Lets just say a "feeling" that wasn't panic or anxiety. I was walking down the road, looking at the things when there she was, strutting and grinning. When I realized I knew her she had the smirk of "I just got away with a walk by" and I wasn't going to turn around and say "HEY! I KNOW YOU! DON'T YOU GIVE MEeeeeEEE THE WALK BY!".
Who was this walk by? It was a girl I went to high school with. We were both day students at a boarding school for artistically inclined spoiled teenagers. We would often be there late working on various projects. We would sometimes talk, she was nice and even funny at times. I graduated and it was done. Some years later I ran into her while walking home from class and I stopped her and had a talk. Afterwards I decided to say "well I would ask for you number but I won't call so it was really nice seeing you". Damn that was bitchy of me, I was into this whole brutal honesty at the time and I figured why lie to someone I liked from the past. It was after that interaction I began doing the walk by - thus this snub seemed significantifigant.
I guess my point is that everyone has been on one side or the other for a walk by- its never fun. As hard as it sometimes is, being an adult is accepting that the past likes to dick slap you a lot. The best way to roll with it is to confront it head on and get it off. I think that from now on to avoid the "did they see me" or ill feelings I am going to implement a new rule- if I liked the person I will say hello, talk briefly, if they ask to catch up- get their number, don't give out mine and never call them- better that than brutal honesty. If I hated the person, I will turn quickly to the nearest store and walk in as fast as possible hoping they don't follow and it isn't a sex shop- oh who am I kidding I would go into that anyway.
Sure, this is not such a new concept for many- people know this, stupid bitch from Sex and the City had a whole episode about running into ex's and so forth [ok yeah, I watched that show when it was racy, on HBO, I was 23 and thought it was so great (so naive). Now that it's watered down counter part is in syndication I can't seem to avoid the freaking thing. I mean THAT is something I wish I could turn away from and regain my brain space dedicated to remembering episodes. A viewing is inevitable when you don't have cable, its 11pm and all you want to do is veg out and the CW (or is it the WB, or UPN, or MY 9- Jesus whatever) is the only channel that comes in clearly on your set. You fail to remember why you began to hate it so much- so you watch it. Then that damn monologue starts "So I wondered if men were like ice cream, what flavor blah blah I am a dumb slut" and all the hatred washes over you , hatred for the show, all the behavior it sparked in dumb young women, and the damn drinks people order... wait that's not the point].
OK, back to my original thought- I am not talking about one night stands, I mean everyone understands that that is part of a one night stand or even a break up in a city and if you don't- get used to it. No I am talking about people from your past that you knew, you liked, maybe even had one of those two-month high school friendships with, maybe you bought weed from them, lived in the same dorm, worked retail together, were in some Yoga class - or some other crap like that. When the friendship had run its course you counted on not having to see them again- next thing you know you are sucking down a coffee, rushing to a meeting and there they are staring at you across the street. You pull the "what's that in the window? Oh my phone is ringing" and the moment passes and so do they.
I am the number one fan of the walk by. My past is broad, I have done a lot of stupid things (and people) in various cities, made drunken best friends, been involved in silly groups, lets just say I know a lot of people by default... people I want to remain in the past. Maybe it was my behavior, maybe it was theirs, maybe shit had run its course- doesn't matter, I would prefer that they existed as a bunch of electrical pulses in my brain.
I like to implement the "I don't recognize you" version of the walk by and just stare blankly ahead. I even bought sunglasses that I thought would aide in this process ( I quickly realized my sunglasses were not dark enough to pull off anything like the walk by let alone the real reason I bought them- to check out guys on the street and not have them know. This became defunct when I was getting a number of dirty looks and thinking "wait can they see me?". It was like that moment when I was four and I realized just because I can't see people with my hands in front of my face doesn't mean they can't see me.) The "I don't recognize you" works best for me because if the person WANTS to make contact, they can and I can say "oh MY GOD! Katie! I didn't recognize you with (search for something different)... blue eye shadow on! Looks great!" This method works better for people from the distant past but one gets the idea.
Normally I don't think twice about the walk by- everyone does it in the city- its kind of like cutting someone off on the sidewalk. Yet the other day I was the victim of a "walk by" not a willing participant. I was struck by a feeling of oh, I don't know, sadness? No. Disappointment? Nope. Lets just say a "feeling" that wasn't panic or anxiety. I was walking down the road, looking at the things when there she was, strutting and grinning. When I realized I knew her she had the smirk of "I just got away with a walk by" and I wasn't going to turn around and say "HEY! I KNOW YOU! DON'T YOU GIVE MEeeeeEEE THE WALK BY!".
Who was this walk by? It was a girl I went to high school with. We were both day students at a boarding school for artistically inclined spoiled teenagers. We would often be there late working on various projects. We would sometimes talk, she was nice and even funny at times. I graduated and it was done. Some years later I ran into her while walking home from class and I stopped her and had a talk. Afterwards I decided to say "well I would ask for you number but I won't call so it was really nice seeing you". Damn that was bitchy of me, I was into this whole brutal honesty at the time and I figured why lie to someone I liked from the past. It was after that interaction I began doing the walk by - thus this snub seemed significantifigant.
I guess my point is that everyone has been on one side or the other for a walk by- its never fun. As hard as it sometimes is, being an adult is accepting that the past likes to dick slap you a lot. The best way to roll with it is to confront it head on and get it off. I think that from now on to avoid the "did they see me" or ill feelings I am going to implement a new rule- if I liked the person I will say hello, talk briefly, if they ask to catch up- get their number, don't give out mine and never call them- better that than brutal honesty. If I hated the person, I will turn quickly to the nearest store and walk in as fast as possible hoping they don't follow and it isn't a sex shop- oh who am I kidding I would go into that anyway.
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