When I was 4 years old my favorite game was "huggies". This game consisted of me and my mom cuddling and snuggling- that was it. There were only winners, no losers and I loved it. We would giggle, talk about colors and toys, anything and I just loved it. I loved this game more than I loved playing with my sisters Barbies- so you KNOW that was a lot. My mom was the best (still is) and she thought she was the luckiest mom alive to have such a "cuddle bug" for a little boy.
As I got older I grew less fond of "huggies". I tended to opt for Legos, action figures, transformers, dress up, make up, crossing gender lines etc. My mom would catch me watching He-man, Smurfs or Jem and shyly say "hey you want to play huggies?' and I would reply with "maybe later" and turn back to my overly sexualized cartoon where I either wished I was a big strong man or a sexy young woman. I still hugged my mom, loved my mom but I did not want to spend hours of my time cuddling and snuggling when I had some imaginary friends to play with in the back yard.
As a teenager my aversion to physical touch grew. I was involved in theater groups where everyone was overly touchy feely. Most theater kids where into touching. Any excuse a theater kid could find to reach out and touch someone inappropriately was great and encouraged. Between the "circle massages" and the "touch freeze" improve exercises I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with (and in) my body. I found it improper, it was intimacy without meaning. Touch was something special to me and I did not want to share it with people I barely knew. There was another level to this disgust- I was progressively learning about my sexuality and was more than a little confused so it did not help when a guy was massaging my shoulders and I got turned on. I just did not want to be touched until I was ready to be touched anymore- least of all by people who were fake and vying attention in any form they could get it.
The result of all this has brought me to where I am now. I don't even like the word "cuddle" or "snuggle". They gross me out. This is not to say I do not enjoy being close with someone, holding hands, lying around in bed all day and embracing but I do not do this with just anyone. If you meet me you will quickly learn, I do not hug, kiss or touch hello or goodbye unless I am drunk. Once again, not opposed, however for me there is an intimacy in touch of that nature.
The other day I was invited to an all male "Cuddle Party". "What the hell is that?!" you may be asking. Well it seems some therapist came up with the idea based on the lack of intimate touching in a non-sexual way in society these days. You pay 30$ bring comfortable clothes, meet strangers and "cuddle". The idea harkens back to days of yore where we would snuggle and cuddle with friends, hold their hands and it would all be ok and mean nothing more than I love you as a friend. The problem is- people grow up, hormones come into the picture and all those activities take on new meanings. (I also find it hard to believe NO ONE will get aroused or soon after their 30$ snuggle fabric softener experience go and have rough, tie me up sex.)
This idea makes me more than a little uncomfortable; it makes me shrink into the corner to find my happy place. Gay men, straight men, bisexual men, all in a big pile cuddling with dirty socks (there was a picture of dirty socks on the web site) holding each others sweaty palms as a moderator suggests activities for you to reach out to others. For me the real problem lies with the issue of intimacy and touch (again). I find that the act of embracing someone, holding their hand, snuggling or cuddling (ok I really hate those words and it is the last time I am using them) has a much deeper rooted meaning than the act of sex. It connotes comfort and trust with a person, letting your guard down and opening up, revealing your vulnerabilities. These are usually the feelings many people associate with sexual intercourse.
If you look at anything in the media these days you will see that sex sells- that once private act has been taken public therefore stripping it of its previous intimate notions. Sex seems to me to no longer be clandestine, it is "sexy, fun, provocative" a way to "shock, tantilize,and entice"- a way of getting your rocks off so to speak. What has replaced this- the idea of holding hands becomes more sacred, the idea of a deep embrace is more loving and private. Many people will not show public displays of affection like holding hands for they feel that it is too intimate. The small things have taken over for where the big things, namely sex, use to be. People can make sex into a physical act devoid of meaning however holding one another post coital (think of how many people run away to avoid that), kissing etc are still just as deep- think about the famous scene in "Pretty Woman" where Julia Roberts says she does not kiss on the mouth, too intimate. When she finally does and lets herself be held, she falls in love.
When I asked around to see what people thought of the idea of a "cuddle party". Usually I was greeted with an "eewwww". Some seemed receptive but many people, in fact most, said they would rather have a one night stand than just cuddle with a bunch of strangers. A few people I spoke with even said "wow those are some lonely people". Lonely? I think that may be unfair- but who knows. Progressive? Possibly. I just prefer to keep my touching to the person I plan on seeing more than once and establishing a resonant relationship with. I'll save my 30$ for a 20$ non-meaningful sexual experiences at Hot Brooklyn Party (no, I have never been, but thought about it).
***Now let me say the person who invited me is a nice person, nothing against their idea by any means, they feel the need to try things like this and that’s awesome- just not for me.***
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