I take love where I can get it

The other day I received an email from best friend informing me that a new animal had entered her life. My first thought was "oh god this poor woman will never breathe normally again". See, best friend works in an office (a very cool and fun office- for me , not for her) that contains two cats. I say "contain" because no one really likes them very much and EVERYONE is allergic to them. The reason they are there? The boss man likes it that way, even if he is out of that office six to nine months of the year and never sees them.

The cats are those long haired fur ball bitch cats. They show you their ass all the time (complete with clumped hair in the anus- no matter how many times they are cleaned), they whine for attention then run away when you offer it and worst of all they shed like nobodies business. While at first they were cute little kittens that everyone played with and loved despite the sneezing, watering eyes and inability to breathe the fun wore off when they began to play on the fax machine and piss all over the halls.

The idea that a new animal would be introduced to this environment was not something I thought Best Friend would be jumping for joy over until she told me that it was not her animal to care for (thank god) but a new visitor from a fellow employee. Then she sent me this:
Everyone now with the collective "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

but what I really loved was this next picture that describes the situation with the animals so perfectly I need not say more:
OK I do want to say more - Look at that damn adorable dog! Then there is one of those crazy ass whacked long haired cats that shows its clumped anus all the time with its piss matted fur looking sad. OK so its kind of sad but seriously, the cat is crazy and it makes everyone have an allergic reaction on a daily basis. It's OK folks, in spite of her deathly allergy Best Friend pets and loves these cats everyday- even worries about them. Partially because its her job and partially because even though something is causing her utter misery she still loves it. hmmmmmmm

Anyway I was more than thrilled to see this adorable dog. I could not wait to meet him. I can't explain it- the uglier the dog, the cuter he (or she) is to me. I love pugs, Boston terriers, French bull dogs... ok thats pretty much it. I think they are just the best dogs, so friendly and playful, not too big but not so small. You can still have dignity walking those guys around without looking like big old mo. They are still scary enough to keep small children with dirty hands from shoving their mitts in its face until you say "Its ok! He's friendly". If only I felt that way about guys...

I got to meet Mr. Moo (Moo is his name) yesterday. It was raining, I felt like shit, I was down, I could hardly breath through my nose, I was wearing dirty underwear because I needed to do laundry and oh so much more. When Best Friend greeted me at the office door with moo in her arms I lit up. I forgot he would be there! I am always nervous around new things and this was no exception, if I were a dog myself I would probably pee all the time when entering a room. Thank god thats not the case- although see me if I make it to 80.

I tentatively played while everyone worked away and finished up for the day. I then put him on my lap and he sat there for a while and I pet his fur, squeezed his little rolls and didn't pay attention to what people were saying. Eventually moo turned his face to me and licked me. I was grossed out of course but remembered that this was the dog way of saying "hey you are all right".

I noticed that moo really liked my pant hem and boot so I started to tease him a little and get him riled up. He made cute noises and did the head thrashing thing dogs do. I twirled around in my office chair getting him all dizzy then stopped suddenly and watched him freak out. He was so happy- maybe a little too happy.

Next thing I know my leg was mounted and I was getting humped. I know there are a lot of people who have had this experience- right? I thought it was funny at first and removed my leg from the situation. He was in hot pursuit. I shouted to best friend for help and all she could do was laugh and say "OH MY GOD MOO IS GAY MOO IS GAY!!!".

Yeah thanks for the help.

Apparently I am the only person he has ever mounted and humped repeatedly. What an honor.

I let the little guy go for a minute figuring he was just a puppy and didn't know better. It was not really a fun feeling knowing I was essentially this dogs "pocket pussy" for the moment but whatever I masturbate too- just not on peoples legs (ok not on peoples legs in public). I then pulled out an old tennis shoe thinking maybe it was my smell that he was into. He played a minute and then went right back to the leg. The good thing was there was really no contact against my leg; it was more "air humping". The second the lower half came into contact I was like "Ok ok the funs over sorry buddy I can fell your goods on my leg and thats no good" and had to pull away. I distracted him away from my leg with some butt plug looking toy. He seemed sad but still happy to play. He kept going for slight air pumps on the leg but nothing as major as the first few attempts. After about 10 minutes his owner came with the leash to take him home and he lost interest in my leg. Men.

This of course started my whole "IIIII want a Doooooog" speech. The good old "It's just what I need. I have the space for one his size, I have the love to give, I could use the company and I live right next to the park". The usual counter argument from Best Friend whenever I get this fanciful idea "If you had a dog, you would not be here right now... besides you are allergic to most dogs"-- touche. My mom's argument for this "Ugh ick you want them rubbing their asses all over your house!" Um mom- people do that too... but she has a point. My argument "I'll never want to leave to visit my family or go on vacations, its a 10 year commitment at LEAST". So it always puts a damper on the idea.

Last night I was dreaming about having a dog. It was awesome. Well ok truth be told I had a boyfriend and a dog in the dream (the only thing missing was a house with a pool). Maybe I can't have those things in real life but in my dreams they are the best pets ever and I don't have to worry about cleaning up after them (the dog and the boyfriend). Hooray for vivid dreams.

ps- I still want a dog.