Drunken happiness.

My mom was in town for a conference with my dad this past weekend so I had the good fortune of being spoiled and taken out to a nice dinner with two of my closest friends- LCL and Wagin. My mom isn't like the other moms she's a "cool mom"... kidding, but it’s kind of true.

We all met up for drinks at Veloce (my mom, her friend, Wagin and LCL), a favorite of mine and Wagin's for a late night glass after I get out of class and she is heading home from the studio. It was crowded as hell on a Friday afternoon with nasty office ladies wearing cheap perfume, ugly furs, and hair so teased and sprayed you could hear it move when they turned their heads (kind of like rustling leaves in the distance). Apparently there was some horrible office function going on (should have been tipped off by the bald men with guts and ties) and a birthday party for some woman named "Sharon" who likes "Proskecceco"- yeah she couldn't get it right. We moved on to the gayest possible venue- Elmo.

I escorted my entourage of 4 women, two in their early fifties, two in their early thirties, and had that brief panicked thought of "Oh god, this is what life is going to be like for me... taking care of crazy ladies" thankfully I knew there was expensive vodka waiting for me and the thought passed. When we arrived at Elmo the techno music was pumping, the gay boys were drinking with their sugar daddies and bitch faces were in full effect. My mom loved it. In her mind she thinks these are places I go, just like those ones on "Will and Grace". It was just like she imagined (which is funny because if I took her to the real dives I drink at she would be horrified). I quickly ordered drinks and began to play waiter for all the women in waiting at the high tables by the window. I told the bartender (straight of course, they always do that at any gay bar to drive us all crazy) that I was with my mother, it was on her tab, keep it open. No sooner had I finished delivering the first round, I was on my second.

My friends enjoy my mom because she likes to have fun; she can drink with the best of them and APPEARS to be able to talk about anything. My friend LCL takes this as an opportunity to talk about inappropriate things like the size of the guy’s dick she is dating- how HUGE it is and how good the sex is. Ok, my mom may be cool, but not that cool. I could see in her face the "I am cool, yeah this is cool, and sex is fun..." frantic look. I tried to butt in but LCL just kept right on going. My mom ordered another glass of wine.

My mom is of the mindset that eventually everyone needs to settle down and find their "best friend" to marry. Many of my friends don't believe in this- least of all LCL. My mom tried to give the "dump the young guy and find a serious man" pep talk to LCL when she was finished. She tired the "why waste your time" tactic to no avail. LCL argued her position as to why good sex and a big dick were all that mattered right now, my mom nodded and smiled. I kind of wanted to tell LCL to shut up and not talk about these issues with my mom; she is still a MOM after all. The girl needs to learn to reel it in once and a while. Then again, this is why I love LCL and my mom does too. Their conversation continued, my mom nodded and I got another round like a good son.

Eventually the topic came to me and my dating life. My mothers friend asked me about it, my mom listened eagerly pretending she had heard it all before. My friends backed me up on the "I have no time and New York is tough" crap. It didn't go over too well. My mom pushed in at this point and started with the whole "what about that online dating you were doing" to which I shot back "Mom, that lead to nothing and everyone was not what they said" (half the time it was just for getting laid). She went on and on as to why I need someone, should have someone etc. This is the first time I realized how concerned my mom was for me and I guess I could see why- there I was, single, late twenty something, never been in a serious relationship, hanging out with two thirty something women all the time, in a circle with fifty something year old women and no man in site. My mom looked around and saw plenty of gay men hanging out, touching each other, enjoying each other- Why not her son?

She pressured me more like I had some dark hidden secret. When she used to do this I thought it was a fear of me not getting laid until one time I said "MOM if this is about sex, YES I have it and it is fun!" By the look on her face I could tell this was not what she was looking for.

My mom went on to who she could set me up with back home, who could I be set up with here- even went so far as to aske "what about your new gay doctor- does he know anyone?". She would have freaking asked the bartender to set me up if I let her get out of her seat but thankfully I was blocking her. I tried to explain that people have different paths in life; some don't include relationships as priority number one. Right now I am one of those people.

This was not what mom's like to hear. She began to well up. Her eyes were glassy, the frown was assuming its position and tears were about to flow. I have only made my mom cry once before as an adult and that was because I was poking fun of her when she was drunk. Now here she was again, tipsy and I was telling her I am single because I just am (it’s like a daughter saying she doesn't want kids or something). She reached out and grabbed my arm.

"Aren't you lonely? Don't you want someone? I just want to see you happy honey, you don't seem happy..." *sniffle*

I explained I am happy, as happy as a stressed out person in this city can be. If I focus on being lonely that is all I focus on. I am happy with my friends, granted they are all women. I am happy with work, ok yeah, I hate the head of my department and my daily tasks but the people are nice. I love school, even though I have no time for it and would rather eat my eyeballs than go to class half the time but I am happy DAMN IT... Shit...I am HAPPY. Her friend gave her a light hug and said "We know, its just all mothers want to see their sons with someone." Great, just what I needed, an "all mothers" comment.

That is the truth, I am happy. I am happy until someone brings my happiness into question because they themselves would not be happy in my situation. I think that sucks. I feel as though it is a judgment on my life. Adding a relationship would be great but I can not spend all my time and effort looking for that elusive someone who I may or may not enjoy spending time with- I got shit to do right now. It will happen when it happens... that’s what I keep telling myself.

After tears were dried, hugs were had and Wagin quickly changed the topic (thank god for Wagin) I found out my mom had not eaten in two days from stress (she is under the gun right now at her job - see, we are so much alike) thus the extra emotions and the touch of sluring that had creeped in. I sent Wagin off to order some food for the table to munch on while I paid some extra attention to my mom in her fragile state. She seemed to perk up after a few bites and was back to herself in no time asking about dinner and more drinks. She did keep giving me the "why does no one want my son" eye but I am used to that at this point. We had a few more drinks, I got the tab (to which the bartender said "wow your mom treats you and your friends well!", I blushed of course and over tipped him and his straight ass) we packed in the show and hopped in cab for dinner with more drinking and PROSECCO. I may dissapoint her in the relationship catagory but I know I can show her a good time like no one else.