This one's on the house...

I was out last night with WAGIN and LCL, my two best friends ( WAGIN is also Prado for anyone who actually is following this, I think that is no one but whatever) celebrating the fact that I am not flunking out of graduate school - I am in fact doing quite well. I finally handed in work and got results back. I thought I was failing miserably on tests in my systems class- ahh nope, did extremely well (phew). I thought my project for compositing sucked- ahh nope, it was pretty freaking cool and the professor dug it. It was all such a giant relief that my stomach finally stopped churning, I regained my composure, and decided drinks to celebrate versus drink to drown my sorrows.

I met up with LCL and WAGIN at Beauty Bar- their favorite hot spot for checking out cute, dirty, skinny boys. They were in full force on their third round laughing and talking to strangers when I pranced in with my test in hand to show everyone like a freaking first grader. Our favorite bartender was there (with a bad hair cut and a shirt that was a little too tight) so we were happy. The three of us began the chatting, the bitching, spilling secrets one of us told the other not to tell the third and then we all laugh at how we can't keep secrets- it was like a slumber party in public without the panty freezing.

I had two Makers on the rocks- at 7$ a pop and a 2$ tip on each drink. I am broke so this money was my allotted 19$ for the week ( bought a coffee earlier)for those snacks and drinks that pop up. I had decided drinks and liver damange to celebrate were as good a reason to blow that money than any so I spent it all- high roller here. When it was time to get going our bartender came around and gave us a free round letting us know "This one's on the house". Cool right!? I was in the middle of a conversation but managed a "Wow, cool, thanks a lot man." and left it on the bar as the ladies contemplated their fifth free drink and said "eh fuck it" and went for it. I was deep in conversation and whisky f's me up so I didn't touch my drink for a bit. A few minutes went by and he comes back " This one's on me... Ok man", taps the bar and looks at me sternly. I said "thanks"- went back to my conversation. A few minutes later he looked over at me not touching my drink and gave me the "sup" nod.

I realized he was looking for a big freaking tip- the money I would have spent on the drink to go in his pocket. I know bartenders, I worked at a bar for a while as a shitty cocktail waiter (bad move when you work with all women at a down scaled version of hooters. Guys get pissed when they expect a waitress with big tits or a nice ass to serve them beer and a sassy faggot with a mouth of a sailor comes up to them and asks what they want. Of course 6 beers later their attitude changes to "a mouth's a mouth" and they think you are a hot riot... I never went there mind you but you know what I mean). Back to the tip issue- as I stated before I am broke, I had 1$ in my wallet, 1 meager little dollar to get my coffee in the morning without having to scrounge for change. I reached in because I knew he wanted it. I then turned to LCL and said "do you have any cash" she did but all large bills so she gave me her only single. I put down the 2$ after he glanced at me a third again. I was livid.

The point of "on the house" or "on me" means FREE. Not - give me your damn money like its a hold up. I would not have ORDERED the fucking third drink as I did not have the money. He put it in front of me and insisted I take it - twice verbally and once visually with his eyes! I should not feel obligated to tip his stupid ass for forcing booze down my throat. WAGIN came stumbling back from the bathroom and I told her the situation. She quickly offered to put money down for me and I said "NO! I didn't order the drink, I understand it was a favor, I gave him the tip I would have given him if I bought the drink and that should be enough." and I stand by that. We downed the drinks and left.

I am not cheap when it comes to tipping- I believe in tipping well. I understand the thought process of bartending, how it works. My close friend all throughout college was the head bartender at TT the Bears in Boston and I would visit her all the f'n time to drink and hear music. I befriended bartenders all over the city of Boston thanks to my various waiting jobs and they always gave me free drinks or bought rounds because I was generous. They also wanted me to stick around and keep them company, make them laugh, protect them from all the slime in the bar that really wanted their attention (it tended to be the female bartenders who liked me- but a few guys liked my money). Money, aka good tips, get you stronger drinks and faster service (most of the time, unless its some dumb fucking ho' in a bikini shaking her fake tits- then it gets you a fake tit shake).

The most important thing to keep in mind is they are POURING A DRINK. They are not jacking you off, massaging your feet, carrying your bags, etc. so a tip should be reasonable (I think 2$-4$ on a hard drink depending on difficulty , 1$-2$ on a beer) anyone who expects more is a greedy ass.

When the bartender buys you a round or says its on the house it is usually a THANK YOU for your generous tipping and I feel one should not be expected to fork over the 9$ they would not have spent on a drink they didn't really want anyway.