How's your Backhand

Recently I received an e-mail from an acquaintance/ former who knows what, telling me they enjoy my blog, they laughed and think its great I am writing blah blah. It was nice, they didn't have to- but then as I read on in the e-mail there was a little backhanded compliment on my photo which pissed me off. Surely I was being overly sensitive- no way would they do that! I quickly went online to find trusted source on backhanded compliments to be sure I was right (yeah I know what they are but I just HAD to check)

For the record, according to Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Backhanded_compliment) the backhanded compliment is "an insult disguised as a compliment. It is generally used to belittle or condescend, or often one uses a backhanded compliment when one wants to insult someone in a subtle way." Hmmm it seemed I was right on, it was backhanded! Then again what did I expect when this is sort of the basis of our friendship. I then thought- wait... Do I do this more than I am aware (because remember its all about me and I love to make myself crazy by taking on someone else's bad behavior - thinking its my fault).

Just like in my previous "walk on by" post I think this is something everyone is guilty of. I recently wrote to a male friend commenting on a new picture he had up online writing "You look much cuter without make up- just thought you should know". Why did I think he should know? I mean really what was my hope in that. The make up thing was my own issue (don't like guys in makeup, eyeliner anything of the sort, doesn't do it for me)- so what if he wanted to wear it. Its not like I am dating the guy and I could say "hey you know what- if you want to get some after dinner, take off the make up" -even then it seems ridiculous. Its who the person is and I know that- it was just purely for my own benefit to make me feel more important and above them (So, sorry man, that was unfair.).

I have found that the backhanded compliment is the ultimate bitch move. This is because it makes the receiver feel temporarily good about themselves- then if they think about it, awful. However by the time that has happened, they have thanked the person who just backhanded, talked with them, even bought them a drink. Plain and simple- they end up looking stupid. This is of course when the backhanded compliment happens in the present tense not through the many wonders of the internet like e-mail or aim where one can read it over and think "hey wait... You're a being a backhanded bitch " and call them out on it. Most people who use backhand on a regular basis are not aware of it or if they are, claim its the receiver being sensitive- after all they said they LIKED the outfit you had on, just not in that color.

Now when I backhand I am fully aware of it, savor it, enjoy my cleverly disguised insult but I never backhand people I like (maybe on occasion just for fun but really prefer not too because they know me and call me out on it- then a battle of the wits ensues, someone cries, drinks are spilled, alcohol wasted, then evetually a good hearty laugh comes out when I take it back -but still think it of course). I reserve my backhand for people I can't stand, people out of line who think they are smart, or at a party where I am talking to some rich trust fund baby that is boring because they 1.don't work 2. they don't have to work 3. they have nothing interesting to say and 4.they pretend like they are broke (a whole other blog).

To all backhanders (and myself) I say - Backhand all you want, just remember there can be a Backlash.(Karma is a backhanded bitch).