Just walk on by... (no, this is not about a broken heart).

There is a phenomenon that happens when one lives in the big city like New York. Many people come here to escape a life in the suburbs, escape their past, pave a new road and look toward the future. Yet is seems time and time again that one is confronted with the past, finding their idea is not so original and "OH MY GOD! Is THAT Missy Turner- shit shit shit...." so you cross the street, pretend to be looking in a window and walk on by.

Sure, this is not such a new concept for many- people know this, stupid bitch from Sex and the City had a whole episode about running into ex's and so forth [ok yeah, I watched that show when it was racy, on HBO, I was 23 and thought it was so great (so naive). Now that it's watered down counter part is in syndication I can't seem to avoid the freaking thing. I mean THAT is something I wish I could turn away from and regain my brain space dedicated to remembering episodes. A viewing is inevitable when you don't have cable, its 11pm and all you want to do is veg out and the CW (or is it the WB, or UPN, or MY 9- Jesus whatever) is the only channel that comes in clearly on your set. You fail to remember why you began to hate it so much- so you watch it. Then that damn monologue starts "So I wondered if men were like ice cream, what flavor blah blah I am a dumb slut" and all the hatred washes over you , hatred for the show, all the behavior it sparked in dumb young women, and the damn drinks people order... wait that's not the point].

OK, back to my original thought- I am not talking about one night stands, I mean everyone understands that that is part of a one night stand or even a break up in a city and if you don't- get used to it. No I am talking about people from your past that you knew, you liked, maybe even had one of those two-month high school friendships with, maybe you bought weed from them, lived in the same dorm, worked retail together, were in some Yoga class - or some other crap like that. When the friendship had run its course you counted on not having to see them again- next thing you know you are sucking down a coffee, rushing to a meeting and there they are staring at you across the street. You pull the "what's that in the window? Oh my phone is ringing" and the moment passes and so do they.

I am the number one fan of the walk by. My past is broad, I have done a lot of stupid things (and people) in various cities, made drunken best friends, been involved in silly groups, lets just say I know a lot of people by default... people I want to remain in the past. Maybe it was my behavior, maybe it was theirs, maybe shit had run its course- doesn't matter, I would prefer that they existed as a bunch of electrical pulses in my brain.

I like to implement the "I don't recognize you" version of the walk by and just stare blankly ahead. I even bought sunglasses that I thought would aide in this process ( I quickly realized my sunglasses were not dark enough to pull off anything like the walk by let alone the real reason I bought them- to check out guys on the street and not have them know. This became defunct when I was getting a number of dirty looks and thinking "wait can they see me?". It was like that moment when I was four and I realized just because I can't see people with my hands in front of my face doesn't mean they can't see me.) The "I don't recognize you" works best for me because if the person WANTS to make contact, they can and I can say "oh MY GOD! Katie! I didn't recognize you with (search for something different)... blue eye shadow on! Looks great!" This method works better for people from the distant past but one gets the idea.

Normally I don't think twice about the walk by- everyone does it in the city- its kind of like cutting someone off on the sidewalk. Yet the other day I was the victim of a "walk by" not a willing participant. I was struck by a feeling of oh, I don't know, sadness? No. Disappointment? Nope. Lets just say a "feeling" that wasn't panic or anxiety. I was walking down the road, looking at the things when there she was, strutting and grinning. When I realized I knew her she had the smirk of "I just got away with a walk by" and I wasn't going to turn around and say "HEY! I KNOW YOU! DON'T YOU GIVE MEeeeeEEE THE WALK BY!".

Who was this walk by? It was a girl I went to high school with. We were both day students at a boarding school for artistically inclined spoiled teenagers. We would often be there late working on various projects. We would sometimes talk, she was nice and even funny at times. I graduated and it was done. Some years later I ran into her while walking home from class and I stopped her and had a talk. Afterwards I decided to say "well I would ask for you number but I won't call so it was really nice seeing you". Damn that was bitchy of me, I was into this whole brutal honesty at the time and I figured why lie to someone I liked from the past. It was after that interaction I began doing the walk by - thus this snub seemed significantifigant.

I guess my point is that everyone has been on one side or the other for a walk by- its never fun. As hard as it sometimes is, being an adult is accepting that the past likes to dick slap you a lot. The best way to roll with it is to confront it head on and get it off. I think that from now on to avoid the "did they see me" or ill feelings I am going to implement a new rule- if I liked the person I will say hello, talk briefly, if they ask to catch up- get their number, don't give out mine and never call them- better that than brutal honesty. If I hated the person, I will turn quickly to the nearest store and walk in as fast as possible hoping they don't follow and it isn't a sex shop- oh who am I kidding I would go into that anyway.