The Institution of Marriage

It has been debated for several years now what the "institution of marriage" is. I looked online for a formal definition and found this definition of Institution;

Institution –noun

Sociology. A well-established and structured pattern of behavior or of relationships that is accepted as a fundamental part of a culture, as marriage: the institution of the family. --- Dictionary.com

Is the institution of marriage about family? A union between MAN and WOMAN? A legal word? A spiritual union? If this institution is indeed a "structured pattern of behavior or of relationships accepted as a fundamental part of culture" as the definition suggests- haven't times change enough where the establishment is anti-establishment, patterns of behavior have changed, people's views on other people's heritage and race have changed? For example, it is no longer acceptable to throw your bathwater out the window- but at one time that was very acceptable, established and normal. There was a time when people could not marry others of a different race in this country, which was changed because it was ludicrous. Why use this term "institution" for something that is fluid like love, relationships and family.

People believe we must defend this "institution" from all the unacceptable parties, namely the gay and lesbian population. President Bush has used this issue like a WMD to get voters attention during election seasons, to rally the masses- namely the conservatives who think it is their duty to uphold this "institution". I found this lovely quote from Mr. Bush in the New York Times on Friday October 27th

“Yesterday in New Jersey, we had another activist court issue a ruling that raises doubts about the institution of marriage,” Mr. Bush said at a luncheon at the Iowa State Fairgrounds that raised $400,000 for Mr. Lamberti.

The president drew applause when he reiterated his long-held stance that marriage was “a union between a man and a woman,” adding, “I believe it’s a sacred institution that is critical to the health of our society and the well-being of families, and it must be defended.”

...excuse me; I just puked a little in my mouth...

What exactly are we defending here? Is it the right to quickie Vegas marriage that results in divorce? The rights for married couples to overpopulate the world cheat on each other and then break up a family? Why is this so "sacred"? The health of our society is already in danger from many things- least of all if gay people decide they want to have the same rights as the heterosexuals in society.

I find this whole idea and defense of the issue sickening. It is obvious to me this has nothing to do with marriage, if it did, why not outlaw divorce? If your concern was family- heterosexual families screw up kids all the time, just look around. Why not broaden your term of family from a white picket fence image with 2.5 kids and a dog. In this day and age a "family" can be innumerable beneficial situations (Uncles raising Nieces, adoption, family friends raising kids, friends raising friends, look at the Golden Girls for fuck sake, they are a family). No this is not about the "institution"; this is about open discrimination taken once again to a national level and being confused in the semantics of marriage.

What I am learning as I get older in this society as a queer individual is that - its ok to be who you are... in certain places. Those places are the arts, salons, fashion, entertainment reporting, etc. You can act and function in society in those realms and under those circumstances. Nevertheless don’t show anything that woman in Texas eating her Doritos doesn't want to think about. Quite honestly this suites me fine- I am not going to Texas (they say everything is bigger their but somehow I doubt the things that matter are) but Texans and all other conservatives like to visit me and my "type" as an issue repeatedly. I am ok with not acting out all the time as a gay man, in fact I prefer it. Who I sleep with or choose to love is my business not anyone else’s (unless I am trying to sleep with them of course). I do not choose to define myself by my sexuality- it is a facet, like the fact that I am interested in silent film. Having said that- I do not like being told when it is or isn't ok for me to be who I am, least of all by people who have no business telling me how to run my life. Many gay men say “Who cares about that breeder tradition! Let them have it!" I do. I care because it means something more than a tacky ceremony and broken promises.

With this discussion of marriage being brought up again and again I am realizing it’s not ok to sit back and let people tell me to hide who I am. I spent many many years filled with self hatred, praying to not be gay (thanks god), training myself to not talk too excitedly, look at my hands the correct way, sit with my legs uncrossed to look macho, play sports I hated etc. I fought to be who I am and continue the struggle everyday. I am now openly being told that I am a second class citizen not only by bullies, assholes, and ignorant people but by the President. According to Mr. Bush, as a queer man I do not deserve the same rights as a heterosexual. This is what I care about. (On another note only good thing about this whole gay crap is that “Don’t Ask, Don't Tell" bullshit- I am TEELLLIINNNGG - I don't want to go to freaking fight a war over oil. PLUS half those army boys fuck each other and film it- as much as that would be fun, not my scene.)

I have no idea what the future holds and if marriage is in the cards for me however I would like the option like everyone else. It seems the heterosexual community needs to rethink what the hell they are talking about. These conservatives need to take a step back and look at their heterosexual divorce rates, adultery, and the amount of broken homes produced from a crap marriage. Why not focus on these things if it really is an issue of upholding that already weak foundation on the "institution of marriage". I somehow doubt anyone of these conservative battle leaders will because ignorance is bliss and it seems this is not the real issue at hand.

I have so much more to say about this and this is a very long rant -it will have to be another blog at another time...

*note- people who see marriage as a biblical thing- I would like to point out we are all going to hell according to your book written thousands and thousands of years ago so give it up- remember "judge not"?

*note 2- My parents have been married for over 30 years and they are going strong- I commend them for upholding their vows to each other, not to an "institution" like the church or marriage itself.