High School as a late twenty something

I am the type of person that talks about my dreams, knows its annoying for anyone else to hear, and am annoyed when others tell me theirs (unless I am in them- like this one friend of mine had this boyfriend, straight, he used to have dreams of me sticking things in his ass. The best part - he liked it, found out later he was into anal pleasure. Crazy right?) YET I still talk about my dreams despite knowing all these things. I have stopped doing it as much but my poor mom hears them a lot and just replies with "mmmmmm... its craaaaaazy".

I have these fucked up dreams constantly about being back in high school. Not my public high school but the school I transferred to as a Junior (see previous "walk on by" post about the school for artistically inclined spoiled teenagers). This school was intense. It took the most of the rejected, teased, and often times gay teenagers from all over the country, plopped them down on a campus that looked like a Swiss ski lodge and told them to interact. I was in shock when I went there. It was the first time I was not the only boy who knew the all the words to Into the Woods, Godspell, Les Miserables, Hair... ( I really should not continue or I will embarrass myself). I could sit with a group of guys and girls and sing Sondhiem patter songs without missing a beat and have it be considered "cool"- by whom? I don't know because now I cringe when I think of that. I got to take an Art History class (thank god for that eye opener), write and direct a play, act like a fool, sing and dance- everything I had ever wanted. This was the best thing to happen to me since I discovered masturbation- yet the worst thing to destroy my teenage, weak as a dollar store paper plate ego but I digress.

I dream about this place a lot. I used to dream about meeting Madonna ( who I think would be the biggest most boring bitch if I ever met here) but as of the past few years it has been all about this place. I am always my current age and I am going about my normal business in classes, auditioning for shows, being broken down by asshole teachers, friends are backstabbing me, I am thrown on stage not knowing lines for a show I wasn't sure I was cast in to begin with- the usual anxiety dreams. There always comes a point in the dream where I realize - wait, I have my high school diploma don't I? Hold on, didn't I already go to college? Wait, I fucking stopped doing this musical crap right? What am I doing in high school? Then someone, usually some little shit I didn't like in school, tells me "oh no, they screwed up, you need to do this again". My stomach sinks and I accept the awful fate that has been bestowed on me in dreamland. I wake up sweating and VERY glad it was only a dream.

Last night was the first time the dream happened where I had made the conscious(well unconscious) choice in the dream to go BACK to HIGH SCHOOL. It seemed so real that I said "Gosh I can't believe I used to dream about this all the time and here I am , I should pinch myself and make sure this is real". I pinched and it FREAKING WAS! At one point in an anxious fit I even offered to have sex with a teacher, now normally if this were a "dream" we would have had sex right there and then ( I am notorious for that in my dreams. I used to have these dreams where guys were trying to kill me and I would say "don't kill me, don't kill me- please... i will suck your cock" and it would work, we would suddenly be having sex, hot rough nasty sex sometimes vampire sex.) However this time- nope he turned me down and said it was "flattering"- which added all to much to the realism of the situation. A number of flustering, awful, terrible, never want to happen in real life ( in the dream of course I thought the were happening) events ensued.

I woke up in exhausted and with a stomach ache in a horrible mood. This mood was then combined with a ride on the good ole F train, seeing a dead body on the street (yes really, one of the local crack heads had a stroke in a doorway. They merely placed a sheet over his shocked face and it kept blowing around while the police picked their ass) and general nastiness throughout the day

I really wish my high school would stay in the past- stop haunting me or standing in for anxious situations. I have had so many cool things happen in my life since then. I loved college, lived abroad, moved around and lead an interesting life- why can't I dream about those things?

Dreams are just so fucked up and so was that place...